


Kenma just can't get a break

by leafm3



Series: Neighbour AU [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Neighbour AU, a simple one shot about half naked kuroo and mario kart, enjoy, i only put teen audiences bc i talk about cum for like 5 seconds but wtvr might as well b safe, shrug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leafm3/pseuds/leafm3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My neighbour’s sister got the wrong house and barged into my apartment AU</p><p> </p><p>“How dare you! I’ll have you know all my boxers look very similar! Besides, Tsukki doesn’t care about what I wear! Looking like I just came out of bed is part of my charm. Goes with the bedhead” he says in defence. Kenma rolls his eyes.<br/>“I would believe the boxer excuse if those didn’t have a very distinct cum stain at the front. Do all your boxers have cum stains in the same spot?” he asks. Kuroo throws his arms up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kenma just can't get a break

**Author's Note:**

> eeeeeeeeeeenjoy, probably not what youre expecting? welp

Kenma stretches his arms lazily, in a cat-like manner. He is sprawled out on his bright orange sofa, watching some random reality TV show Kuroo put on a few minutes ago. Said individual was currently in the kitchen, making them some sandwiches as a light dinner. It was Sunday, so it’s the day someone would get voted out, therefore Kuroo would not allow Kenma to change the channel, much to Kenma’s dismay. He _could_ get up to go get his Nintendo from his room, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he just accepted the fact that he would spend the rest of the night watching these people argue over someone using someone else’s hairdryer without permission. “How does this show entertain you?” He said, hoping Kuroo could hear his soft voice from the kitchen. “They are literally arguing about a hairdryer”

“Hey, don’t question my tastes!” he says, louder than needed. “Tsukki already judges me enough for it” Kenma groans. The people arguing about the hairdryer started hugging it out and apologizing. Kuroo runs back to the living room and moans “Aww man, I didn’t get to see Lizzy and Brian make up?!” he sets the plate with sandwiches down on their coffee table and lays down on the other end of the sofa, intertwining their legs. “By the way, I invited Tsukki over. We’re going on a date” he informs. “After the show is over” Kenma and he watch the show with different levels of interest, while eating the simple cheese and lettuce sandwiches, which SHOULD have taken Kuroo about two minutes to make, but since it was Kuroo it took around 10 minutes.

“Shouldn’t you get dressed for your date? I don’t think Kei would appreciate you opening the door with the stained t-shirt you’ve been wearing the past three days and without any pants. Also, haven’t you been wearing those same boxers the entire week?” Kenma asks his roommate. Kuroo puts a hand on his chest in a horrified gesture.

“How dare you! I’ll have you know all my boxers look _very similar_! Besides, Tsukki doesn’t care about what I wear! Looking like I just came out of bed is part of my charm. Goes with the bedhead” he says in defence. Kenma rolls his eyes.

“I would believe the boxer excuse if those didn’t have a very distinct cum stain at the front. Do all your boxers have cum stains in the same spot?” he asks. Kuroo throws his arms up. The doorbell rings, making Kuroo jump away from the sofa and run towards the door.

“It must be Tsukki, let’s see how he reacts seeing his hot boyfriend in casual clothes and see who’s right” he says as he throws the door open. Kenma isn’t sure what happened next, since he didn’t have a view of the front door from his spot on the sofa, but he heard Kuroo and some unknown voice, a girlier voice, yelling. “Who the f- heck are you?!” he shouted.

“I- I’m looking for my brother!” the voice shouted back. _Brother?_ Kenma changes spot on the sofa to get a clearer view of the front door. The door is mostly closed, Kuroo hidden behind it and only allowing his face to show to their intruder.

“Huh? Brother? No one in this house has a younger sister” Kuroo answers. The girl makes an annoyed noise.

“My brother told me in his letter that his house is flat number 23. Is this or is this not flat 23?” She shouted. Kuroo was clearly annoyed.

“Look miss, that’s clearly an 8-“ he was about to say, but she interrupted him.

“My name is Natsu, thank you very much. Look, my brother told me he lives here. So…” she obviously wasn’t listening to Kuroo, but after seeing him in his boxers she probably decided she didn’t care for what a bum like him had to say.

“Hey Kuroo, I think I know who that girl is looking for” Kenma says. Kuroo looks at him.

“What? How would you know?” he asked. Kenma shrugs.

“I’m smarter than you. Open the door a little bit more so I can be sure.” Kuroo opens the door, revealing a teenage girl wearing a sundress and sandals, and her long orange hair in a ponytail. Her brown eyes settled on Kenma and she relaxed.

“Oh! Kenma! This is your house?” she asks. Kuroo is confused, as always.

“You two know each other?” he asks. Natsu and Kenma look at Kuroo and back at each other.

“It’s been a while since we had seen each other! Your hair is all black now!” Natsu says, walking up to Kenma. Kuroo shrieks, hiding his crotch with his hands.

“Yeah, you’re all grown up, Natsu. How old are you again?” Kenma and Natsu start talking casually and Kuroo is left in shock behind the half open door. Suddenly the door is open all the way, squishing Kuroo in the process. He yelps in pain just as someone peeks to where he is.

“Wha- Kuroo? What are you doing there?” Tsukishima asks. “In your boxers? Hey is that Natsu?” he looks to Kenma and Natsu, who wave at him from the living room. “Why are you in your boxers while a teenage girl is around you? Gross” Tsukishima tells him. Kuroo’s figurative dog ears flop.

“Okay, I’ve been embarrassed to hell and back, so can someone tell me who that child is before I go insane?” Kuroo mumbles. Tsukishima looks at him like he had just asked him what 2+2 was.

“That’s Hinata’s sister? You know him, short guy, played volleyball, dating the Blueberry King, lives like 5 flats down yours?” Tsukishima says, very slowly, as if he were talking to a child. Kuroo sits on the floor and groans. “Seriously, what’s up with you? Did you put Xanax in your Lucky Charms again? You know that never ends well” Tsukishima tells him while grabbing him by his torso and lifting him to his feet. Kuroo moans against Tsukishima’s shoulder.

“Nothing of the sort, I just thought it was you at the door. Why is everyone being super mean to me today?” he asks. Tsukishima pats his back, softly. They stop hugging and Kuroo can see that Tsukishima looks super pretty in a fancy coat, dark skinny jeans, some fancy shoes and a shirt that Kuroo had given him as a Christmas present. Meanwhile, he looked like he was on a contest to see how many stains he could accumulate on his clothes until he washed them. He suddenly didn’t feel like he deserved the pretty boyfriend he had. He once again hugged Tsukishima tight. Tsukishima looked at Kenma, questioning. He just shrugged.

“Hey guys- Oh” a new voice said. Kuroo groaned and looked at the other intruder who got to see too much of his body. It was Shouyou.

“Brother!” Natsu shouted, running up to her brother, trying her best to not even glance at the half naked adult next to the door.

“Natsu! So here’s where you were! I was about to walk to the car park when I saw Kenma and Kuroo’s door open… How come you’re here? Next to this… perv” he said, shooting a glare at Kuroo. Tsukishima took his long, fancy coat off and gave it to his gross boyfriend, to cover him up.

“I’m sorry he ruined your little sister’s innocence” Tsukishima said. Natsu rolled her eyes and Shouyou laughed, although it was obvious it wasn’t a happy laugh.

“Innocence? She’s 16! She dressed as a slutty nurse for Halloween last year.” Natsu didn’t look at her brother. “I wasn’t like that at 16…” He mumbled.

“At 16 all you could think about was balls, volleyballs. Why do you think it almost took you 3 years to understand you liked the King?” Tsukishima said back. Shouyou groaned, remembering how oblivious he used to be.

“Anyways, Kuroo, Kei, don’t you two have a date?” Kenma said from the same spot on the sofa. Kuroo swore and ran to the kitchen to check the time.

“Damn! I didn’t get to see the end of the show AND we just lost the next bus downtown!” Tsukishima walked behind him and pinched his ass through his dirty boxers.

“Maybe if you had gotten dressed in time. But we can just stay here for the night” he told him, hugging him from behind. Natsu and Shouyou walked to the living room and sat on the sofa for a little bit, making small talk with Kenma and trying to ignore the wet sounds that came from the kitchen. Of course the night wouldn’t be complete without the Blueberry King walking in as well.

“Hello? Kozume?” he called, closing the door behind him. He could see Kenma on the sofa, and Natsu sitting by him, and as he walked closer he could see Shouyou as well.

“Hey Tobio” Kenma answered. “Your family is here” Kageyama walked closer to the living room, and as he passed the kitchen he screeched, surprised. Tsukishima was sitting on the balcony, really well dressed, meanwhile the person between his legs, kissing his neck, was wearing a fancy jacket but as far as he could see, only boxers underneath it. They both looked at him, and he slowly walked towards the living room, never breaking eye contact until the doorframe blocked their vision.

“See, you even destroyed Kageyama’s innocence” The four of them heard Tsukishima say from the kitchen. Kuroo groaned in defeat, and then they were joined by the pair. The sofa was full with Natsu, Kenma and Shouyou, so Kageyama, Kuroo and Tsukishima sat down on the rug in front of the sofa. The TV was playing the news, so that didn’t entertain them for long.

“I’m bored” Shouyou sighed, moving his legs around. Kageyama grabbed his feet and started massaging his calves, probably out of habit, it was very mindless. Kuroo started slowly moving his hand towards Tsukishima’s thigh, but got slapped away.

“I don’t understand what could possibly be boring about the inauguration of a children’s park in the capital” Kenma answered, referring to the current news. Natsu was already on her phone, not paying attention to the news or the other people in her room. _Teenagers_ , Kuroo thought. Tsukishima looked at him judgementally, as if he had just heard his thought.

“We could play Mario Kart” Kageyama said, pointing at the Wii. Kenma’s figurative cat ears shot up, suddenly interested.

“There’s six of us” Tsukishima said. “And only four spots”

“Natsu is on her phone, and we can take turns anyways” Kageyama said back. Kenma and Shouyou nodded excitedly.

“Let’s do it! I haven’t played Mario Kart in so long” Shouyou shook his sister’s frame excitedly and she groaned, dropping her phone on her lap.

“Bro, stop that! You’ll break my phone” she groaned. He looked at her sadly.

“You used to love spending time with your big bro… Now you’re always on that phone…” Kageyama, who had stopped massaging Shouyou’s calves when he suggested Mario Kart, started doing it again, to calm his boyfriend down and shut him up, noticing Natsu didn’t like being put on the spot. Kuroo crawled to the TV and set things up, putting the Mario Kart cd on the Wii. He pushed the coffee table against the wall to give them more space, then handed a remote to Kenma, one to Shouyou, one to Kageyama and…

“Wanna play first or…?” Kuroo asked Tsukishima. Tsukishima shrugged.

“You can go first, warm these losers up for the failure of their lives” he said. Kuroo nodded, and they started selecting their cars and characters. Shouyou was Mario, and Kageyama was Luigi, Kuroo chose Waluigi and couldn’t stop himself from saying “Wah!” as he pressed the button on the remote. Kenma was lightning fast as he chose Yoshi before anyone could. After deciding on the courses, they started racing. Kenma had his eyes fixated on the TV, his face locked, no emotion. Shouyou would move his arms too much, which made him crash into the side-lines, and drive off the course. Kageyama was concentrated, but he wasn’t nearly as good as Kenma, driving not as surely, and never using the objects he got. Kuroo on the other hand was relaxed, and killing it, not far behind Kenma. Tsukishima would admit, his boyfriend was okay at Mario Kart, but living with Kenma, it was kind of a requisite. Suddenly, Kageyama and Kuroo were super close, somehow. Kuroo’s relaxed expression suddenly tensed up. Kuroo doesn’t particularly like to lose, especially to someone who kept asking _what does the green shell do, again? How do I activate it?_ So he was serious now. Neck to neck on second place – Kenma had long reached the point in which not even a blue shell would help any of them get first place – Kageyama and Kuroo fought for their spot. Shouyou was leisurely scrolling in 7th place, not caring much about his position in the end. Tsukishima felt a wave of sympathy towards Kageyama and decided to sabotage Kuroo. He was bored anyway. He slowly put his hand on Kuroo’s knees. He was sitting with crossed legs, and his back was turned towards the couch, which allowed him to do something which would definitely scar the three people on the couch if seen. He slowly moved his hand up Kuroo’s thigh. Kuroo’s concentration broke, and he glanced to his side for a mere second.

“What are you doing, Tsukki?” Kuroo whispered. Tsukishima leaned against Kuroo’s torso, laying his head on his shoulder.

“Nothing” he answered, moving his hand towards the inside of Kuroo’s thigh. Kuroo exhaled. Kageyama was suddenly ahead of Kuroo, which pissed him off, but he knew that if he blamed Tsukishima the hand on his thigh would leave his body and not touch him for days. He learned that the hard way. Shouyou cheered for his boyfriend.

“Woah!! You’re in second place!! Keep it going ‘til the end!” Shouyou says excitedly, driving off the map from being distracted. Kuroo is groaning, either from frustration caused by the “3rd” on the corner of his screen, or from having a hand lightly brushing against his crotch. Kuroo makes a sharp turn and elbows Tsukishima in the face. Tsukishima puts both his hands on his nose, moaning in pain.  Kuroo looks away from the TV for a few seconds, but he crossed the finishing line at that moment anyway, ending in 3rd place.

“Oh shit, are you okay??” He says, grabbing Tsukishima’s face. Tsukishima’s eyes are closed, an obvious expression of pain on his face. His hands are still covering his nose, which seemed to be the part he hit the hardest. “Let me look at it” he says, lightly peeling Tsukishima’s hands from his nose. It was all red, blood dripping down into Tsukishima’s hands. “Shouyou, Kageyama, go get a towel or some toilet paper” he told them. Shouyou shot up and ran to the bathroom, Kageyama sat behind Tsukishima, taking a better look at his nose.

“He should tilt his head forward, I heard it’s better that way” he said. Shouyou handed the toilet paper roll to Kuroo and shook his head.

“It’s the opposite! You should tilt it back! Dumb Kageyama” he said, patting his boyfriend’s head. Kuroo was shoving toilet paper up Tsukishima’s nose, never taking his hands from the front of his mouth.

“Take your hands away from my mouth! I can’t even begin to guess how many days you’ve gone through without washing them” he said, pissed off. Kenma suddenly remembered the sandwiches he had eaten earlier and grimaced.

“Tsukki I’m sorry” he said. Tsukishima ignored him. Kenma looked at Kageyama and Shouyou, who were arguing about the best way to handle a bloody nose, and at Kuroo who was begging for Tsukishima’s forgiveness. He then looked at Natsu, who was still on LINE, texting someone. He sighed and got up from his spot on the couch and walked to his bedroom. After closing the door he sat on his bed and grabbed the Nintendo from his bedside table. He kissed it.

“At least you won’t yell” he mumbled, opening it.

**Author's Note:**

> poor kenma cant get a break !!


End file.
